Resolve

I was IMing a friend on Facebook tonight who recently confided in me that she was struggling with infertility. As we were chatting about her recent visit to a RESOLVE peer-led support group, some funny and tough memories of the past came rushing back.

Like of how the summer after my first ectopic pregnancy I would come home from work, grab a bite to eat, shut off all the lights in my house and hide out in my walk-in closet watching episodes of Friends. I was avoiding people from church (who all had children of their own) who kept trying to visit me as I was heartbroken and didn't want to see anyone or hear their words of encouragement. Phoebe and Ross made me laugh and I could identify with the struggle Chandler and Monica were going through. That was probably the lowest point in my life. Ever.

I laugh at it now, though.

Then, after my second ectopic pregnancy, I was surrounded by young moms at church who talked about breastfeeding, epidurals, preschools, and about how they planned their pregnancies and I was literally about to break out my Friends DVDs again. (This time I only had a regular-sized closet so I considered using my tub.)

Not wanting to return to that dark, broken part of my life, I was inspired during a sobbed-filled prayer that I needed to find people who knew what it was like to want children desperately and not be able to have them. I googled "infertility support groups" and came across the RESOLVE site.

I joined a therapist-led support group and proceeded to meet a group of women who knew EXACTLY how I felt. We shared stories of heartbreak, horror stories of invasive doctor visits and treatments and our loathing of baby showers. We cried and laughed together. We supported each other and cheered each other on. No one understood the aching of our empty arms like we did. These women, and the many resources RESOLVE offers (peer support groups, adoption conferences, educational meetings, online resources), helped heal my broken heart.

I have nothing but the deepest gratitude to each of my RESOLVE friends. One has had a baby of her own. Four have adopted. Three others are finding peace in their lives - whether they live childfree or adopt is to be seen. Never again will I watch Friends in my closet. I will call them instead.

A few of my RESOLVE friends: Julie, Natasha & Michelle.
Not the most flattering picture of me, I might add. Taken December 2008.