I brought EB to preschool for the first time last week since LJ arrived. We were late, I was still bra-less in my PJs with bed head, and I didn't have time to hunt down my shoes. I threw my three kids into the car and off we sped. I just figured I would pull into the driveway of her preschool and have her run in while I waved from the car window. My newborn started to cry and I started to lactate immediately, leaving my PJ top soaked in embarrassing locations. As luck would have it, my dear sweet daughter REFUSED to go into preschool without me. Flat. Out. Refused. I figured I could just sneak in and out without being noticed, right?
As if the universe had a cruel sense of humor, two dads who were late themselves met me on my way back to my car. The tell-tale blush that creeped up on their faces and how quickly they averted their eyes to the ground confirmed my fears that I was truly a mess. I laughed and cried simultaneously on the drive home. Probably the lowest point in my life as a mom.
The highest point:
Life has turned upside down for me since this baby arrived and has not always brought out the best in me. Ok - Let's not sugar coat it. Three kids are ROCKING my world. But admist the fog in my brain that consists of a life of chaos, sleepless nights, exhaustion, crying, stress, a messy house, piles of laundry undone, kids fighting, me shouting - you name it - I have moments of clarity when I realize that this is what I was born to do. Heavenly moments that testify I belong at home, being a mom, and raising a family. Moments when my sweet baby snuggles into me and looks into my eyes and smiles, acknowledging that I am the most important person in the world to her right now. Or when my two year old and I go for a walk on a Sunday and I listen to him ask questions about the world around him. Or when I snuggle up in bed with my four year old for a story and we talk about her dreams for the future.
I will never be a perfect mom. I may never have it "all together" again. My house will probably never be really clean and my laundry will never be done. I will probably have to work on keeping my temper in check and my patience on hand for the rest of my life. I will continue to make mistakes on a daily basis. I am assuming I will have many more low moments like the one described above.
But I have three beautiful children whom our Father in Heaven sent to me. I am supposed to be their mother and He trusts me to raise them in a house of faith and a house of love. Definitely the best and highest point in my life.
|Laura Jane instantly recognized her brother's voice the day she was born. |
One truly precious moment.