Anyone out there have a constant battle with weight? I know there are a few of you out there who can relate to me and what I am about to say. I'm not talking about the tiny little pooch you might have left over after giving birth 6 months ago or the love handles that showed up at 30. I'm talking about the need to vigilantly watch what you eat constantly or you will pack on 10 lbs in a few weeks. Those of us who are addicted to food and eat our feelings. Weight Watchers and I have had an on again and off again relationship for years. I manage to maintain my weight well usually with a little fluctuation but after having baby #3, I found it hard to lose the weight. Age, stress? Who knows.
So imagine how the inner turmoil I am facing now - 25 lbs heavier than I have ever been and pregnant. I know, I know. Having a baby is a miracle. I am grateful for that. But having to go out and buy new maternity clothes because you can't fit into the ones you wore your last three pregnancies is depressing. And knowing you are about put on at least another 25 lbs is even more disheartening. I know how my body works and even if I give up sugar, eat super healthy and exercise 5 days a week, I still pack on the weight.
Add to the discouragement the fact that I have two thin sister-in-laws expecting along with a few friends. You know the kind who only look pregnant from behind? Or who lose all of their weight after about 5 months? It's hard not to compare.
I can already hear the comments for others.
Are you having twins?
You must be having a girl because you are carrying the weight all over!
When are you due? Soon? (when I'm 25 weeks)
I just decided today while at church that I just have to let it go. It is what it is. God made my body a certain way and it knows what to do so it can grow a child and then be able to feed that baby for at least a year afterwards. This whole journey is quite miraculous - who would have ever guessed I would be having baby #4 and so far my body had done an amazing job at creating life! Some people are going to make insensitive comments (because they always do) or compare me to other pregnant people (because that happens naturally.) But I can't care. What I look like on the outside does not matter.
The number on the scale does not change who I am inside.
It does not make me less beautiful.
It does not minimize the many talents I have.
It does not make me less of a mom, wife, or friend.
It does not have to take away from the true miracle and blessing this baby is in my life.
So pass me the muumuu. I'm ready to do all in my power to be healthy in my life and just accept whatever size I am. And enjoy an occasional Dairy Queen blizzard.
Sunday, August 31, 2014
Sunday, August 10, 2014
Sweetheart #4 due to arrive Valentine's Day 2015. Surprised? So were we!!!
In fact, two weeks before I took the pregnancy test I told Lance that I thought we could be okay with only three kids. I had just begun to feel like I am getting the hang of the craziness three kids six and under brings. But, as always, I am reminded yet again that God has a plan that doesn't necessarily fit my own.
I have been more sick around this time and have spend most days barely functioning. For the first time in my life I had to cancel giving a talk in church because I have been so sick. I think the fog is beginning to lift, though, and that I am returning back to my normal self.
One thing is for sure - I can safely say our "infertility" is cured after having two "surprise" pregnancies in two years. We feel very blessed indeed.
Now come the prayers for a healthy baby. I really feel like I am getting too old for this!!!