Friday, July 27, 2012


For years I had a hard time enjoying other peoples' babies.  I was happy for the new parents.  And I would hold the new babies.  But the pain of everything I had gone through to have babies of my own still lingered, never completely healed in my heart.  There was something in me that just wished that baby could be mine - especially when the baby came so easily to some. I would often leave the presence of the new baby saddened.

Today I visited a good friend in the hospital and held her baby not even a day old.  As I snuggled with that dark, sweet smelling newborn, my heart was overflowing with love.  I was so happy for my friend and wished I could sit there forever holding that baby.  I kept thinking to myself "The best days are days when babies are born."  On my drive home I realized that for the first time in as long as I could remember my heart did not hurt one bit.  I just felt pure happiness and love for both that baby and my friend.

I honestly feel like this miracle baby in my belly is blessing me more than with another child.  It has healed my heart.  After all of these years that healing is an absolute miracle in itself.

Monday, July 23, 2012

Real. Bad. Mood.

After talking on the phone to one of my best friend's the other night, she sent me the link to this video.  

Let's face it.  As funny as this is, it describes exactly how I have been feeling lately.   Tired, sick most of the time, zero patience and tolerance, outspoken, hormonal, emotional, depressed and mostly just in a Real.  Bad.  Mood.  You won't cross this sorry ol' dog if you know what's good for you. Hoping this is just a symptom of the first trimester and that it will magically disappear in the next few weeks since I am officially in my 2nd trimester and my family, friends, and dog all need to see cheerful Kristi again desperately.

And since I am being outspoken, let me just say this.  For the record - If a pregnant woman complains, however briefly or excessively,  about the trials of pregnancy, that doesn't mean she isn't grateful for the miracle inside of her or that she doesn't realize what an amazing blessing it is to be able to conceive and carry a baby.   Sometimes being pregnant is HARD and miserable.  I would happily be miserable for 9 months to have another child and know there are women who would be grateful to be throwing up all night long like I have been lately if it meant they could be pregnant.  I went through 6 years of heartbreak and infertility to have an inkling of what they feel.  But let's just face it.  Sometimes this just stinks.  And no matter how much you want to suck it up and grin and bear it and be sensitive to the others feelings, sometimes you just need other people to emphasize, sympathize and support you so you can get through the next day.   I would do the same for any of my friends who needed the this type of support.

Phew.  Glad that is off my chest.