Friday, January 22, 2010

My vote? The one who likes Finland.

I usually don't watch the late night talk shows.  However, if I had to pick one that I would watch, it would be Conan O'Brien's.  What sold me on him was his visit to Finland he did three years or so ago and the commentary he gave about attending sauna. (Unfortunately, the only way you can view this is buying it from iTunes.) Apparently, he resembles their president Tarja Halonen and the Finnish people enjoy his show.  In fact, he supported Tarja Halonen's re-election this year.  I really don't know anything about President Halonen's politics so I can't comment on her.  But I can say I like Conan, if only for the fact that he likes Finland. 

So, Lance and I agree heartily on this point.  Our household will follow you, Conan, wherever you go.  I can't guarantee I will watch your show.  But I can guarantee we won't be watching Dave's or Jay's.

Thursday, January 21, 2010

Our Family 2009

Our really good friend, Beatta of BmB Photography, took this gorgeous pics of the family in
November 2009.

It was no easy task getting a dog and a toddler to smile and look into the camera.  We had a good laugh looking through the proofs. Here are the four that made the cut!  

A Morning in the Life

(of a graduate student, mother, wife, and woman going through secondary infertility)

I had one of those days.

I woke up, got Elisabeth ready to go to the babysitters and then decided to run an quick errand or two while she was away.  (Though I should be writing my thesis or doing my internship.)  I got to Babies R Us, intending to buy a booster seat so she can start to sit at the table with us, and found out it didn't open until 9:30 a.m.

With 10 minutes to waste, I listened to NPR and their commentary on MA election results, checked my email and tried to get a few minutes of shut-eye, the whole time wishing I would have taken time to change out of my pajama top, find my own jeans instead of my husbands' and put on a little make-up.  I think I have let myself go.  Just a little.

9:30 a.m. hit and I joined the line of people waiting to be let into the store in the rain.  (Seriously, folks.  Who waits in line to get into Babies R Us on a Wednesday morning???)

And then it started.

I saw at least ten happy pregnant women shopping for their awaited miracles.  I saw racks and racks of tiny baby clothes that Elisabeth can never fit into again.  I saw a happy mother with four young children and a round belly selecting a new carseat.  I tried to ignore all of this as I focused on getting my TODDLER a big-girl booster seat.  And then it hit me.  My baby is no longer a baby and I don't know if I will ever be able to visit Babies R Us as an expectant mother or a mother of a small babe again.  I held back tears as I rushed to the check out.

9:36 a.m. I was back into my car.  By this time, the pity had turned into anger and I drove home, fuming at my (and some of my friends) lot in life.  For a second, I hated every woman I saw in that store and every woman who could get pregnant. I was mad.  Mad, mad, mad. 

9:45 a.m. I walk back into my kitchen and decide I need some spiritual help.  I mean, what Christian woman hates her friends, sister-in-laws, and cousins for getting pregnant?   I decide to check out some Mormon Messages.  I watched this.  And then this.

10 a.m. I am sobbing uncontrollably.  I am crying for babies I lost.  The babyhood of Elisabeth I can never get back. The fear of never having children again. For my friends who still have not been able to have children.  I watch the videos over and over again.

10:15 a.m.  I am reminded of the message I knew as a young child.  Yes, Jesus Love Me.  Life can go on.  I can hope.  God hears my prayers.

10:17 a.m.  I start working on the first chapter for my graduate thesis.

12:00 p.m.  I fall asleep to the sound of the rain, exhausted from my breakdown.

Sometimes it is hard to see that there is a Plan for ourselves, much bigger than our understanding.
Sometimes, admist being strong and hopeful, it is okay to cry.
Sometimes, and just sometimes, is it okay to be mad.

That is my theory.  And I am sticking to it.

Friday, January 1, 2010

Just Say No to Resolutions

I have decided to take a break from making resolutions this year.  I rarely seem to meet all of my resolutions, anyway, and often feel frustrated when I don't.  Instead, my goal in 2010 will be to just live life and gracefully handle everything God throws my way.

Here are a few things the Smemoes have in store for us this coming year:
  • Lance taking and *passing* the patent bar in January.  (fingers crossed)
  • Attending Lance's brother's wedding in Nebraska.
  • Kristi graduating on May 22, 2010 with her Masters of Science degree.
  • A romantic five-day get-a-way with just Lance and myself.  We hope to find a lucky friend/relative who wants to have Elisabeth stay with them for this time.  (Any volunteers?  She is a pretty easy child to care for.) We haven't decided on a destination as of yet.  My vote is a cruise in the Caribbean.
  • A visit to MN to see the Amundson clan sometime this summer.
  • Smock a matching dress for Elisabeth and her cousin for her cousin's baptism.
  • Attending the blessing of a new nephew and the baptism of our niece in July.
  • Planning AND attending the Smemoe/Richardson family reunion in August.
August is about as far as we get for plans.  I would love to be pregnant again this year but seeing as this is completely out of my control, I will just have to add this to my "wish list" and not my "to do" list.  Fingers crossed, hearts prayerful, and dreams hopeful.

Any fun, exciting plan you have for this new year?