I heard some great news from a close friend that she was expecting today soon after a miscarriage. At first my heart rejoiced. Then the sadness crept up a little into my soul and mulled in my mind all evening. Despite knowing without a doubt that God in in charge of my life and having a peace that all will be well, I can't seem to diminish the lump in my throat.
Babies, in all their innocent, sweet-smelling skin and chubby goodness, always tend to remind me of the things missing in my life. fertility. my own mother. family near by. Whenever someone has a baby or I hold I newborn, I become a little melancholy and forlorn.
But they also make me feel grateful for the traits these missing things have cultured within me: Patience, faith, friendship, perseverance, empathy, peace, and wisdom.
Our church has a rich heritage of pioneers who went through every physical, mental and spiritual trial a person could ever wish to see in their lifetime and came out courageous and inspiring. I have heard people say all the time "I could have never been a pioneer."
I honestly feel I could have. Prideful or not, I feel like I was blessed with a strong soul to endure pain and suffering, and come out hopeful. I am a pioneer in my own right. And I know I am destined to truly make the world a better place and comfort those in need of comfort. These joys missing in my life have molded me into who I am. The Savior is a masterful sculptor.
I am imperfect. As a mother, a friend, a sister, a daughter, a woman. But I am growing and honestly really like who I am becoming. Now to work on meekness and humility. . .
Kristi, I could not agree with you more! I have also felt that I could have been one as well. I have taken my trails better then I probably ever could have imagined growing up. I also think you are an amazing example of perseverance. You have been such a great friend to me even from this great distance between us.
ReplyDeleteI'm glad that we've bonded through some of our trials. Now I consider you one of my dearest friends. I think what these last few years have shown me is that I am definitely not the one in charge. When we surrender our will to the Father he will bless us differently than we would choose for ourselves, but the end result is a better you and a better me :)
ReplyDeleteLeah and Betsy - you both are some of my favorite people in the world. thanks for always being my cheerleader and understanding how I am not always good at staying a touch. I believe both of you would have come out shining across the plains. You are just that type of, salt of the earth, people. Love you both!
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