Who would have ever guessed sitting alone with my kids at church would create so much anxiety. I guess when one has a 3 1/2 year old who is a spitfire and a 13 month old who has just realized he has not only places to go but a voice he wants to exercise quite loudly, sitting for an hour and 1/2 by myself, trying to keep these kids semi-quiet is nerve wracking to say the least.
I half jokingly and half seriously say to Lance every Sunday "Got any Xanax?" - like I would ask for a piece of gum. When people ask how my day was Sunday night my reply has been "Well, we survived."
For my LDS friends out there who have had their significant others sit on the stand during sacrament meeting (our worship service), how did you survive? How did you keep going every Sunday to that hour and a half knowing you would leave either in tears or ready to have a nervous breakdown?
What kills me is I am a strong woman. I have done many hard and amazing things in life (with the help of the Lord, of course.). I joined my church without support from my family. Went to a college in another state not knowing a single soul. Worked to pay for a 18 month mission for my church. Lived in Finland for 18 months and spoke one of the hardest languages there is. Went through six years of infertility treatments and losses. Managed to graduate from grad school while doing three infertility treatments, having one baby, miscarrying another and being pregnant with my second without any family around to help.
So tell me why something as simple as taking care of my kids every week in sacrament meeting is about to be the end of me?
*Sigh.* At least I know I can some day add this to my list of "amazing and hard things" I did in life.
Stream of consciousness from a MN-born, SoCal-living, infertility-surviving, beagle-loving, baby-snuggling, Latter-day Saint believing, patent lawyer hubbie-adoring, opinion-sharing, goal-making woman.
How do I do it? I close my eyes and hope for the best, meanwhile trying to remember that my children always seem louder and more obnoxious to me than they do to the rest of the congregation. It's really hard, though, and every Sunday leaves me completely wiped out. Some Sundays leave me vowing that I will never go back.
ReplyDeleteI've tried all sorts of tricks and treats to keep them entertained and quiet on bench during the meeting, but all my attempts seem to backfire on me. It's actually usually better to limit the distractions I bring for them. The best thing I've done is try to establish a routine (i.e. no toys until after the sacrament, only one small snack that they have to wait until after the sacrament to eat). It's a far cry from perfect, but it's helped the boys at least know what's expected of them. It also helps to sit strategically, as in not by other families with small children (that's a recipe for more chaos) but do try to sit by older families, singles, or childless couples who are eager to help you entertain your kids.
I'm told things will get better, and sometimes I even catch glimpses of that, but in the meantime I, too, feel like I'm hanging by a thread. Hang in there, and remember you're not alone. (Seriously, prayer can be just as powerful in situations like this as it can be at other times.)
I remember when I just had A (who I remember now as being such a quiet sacrament girl sitting on my lap), and feeling like I was losing the spirit every time being anxious and ....I asked another Mom how she kept things together and seemed so peaceful (she had three little ones running the aisle) She replied that it is a Mother's right to have the spirit with her, and said it so matter of fact that I wondered how I ever doubted it. That said, we still had meltdowns, had to take A. out. My first two are pretty well trained now, though we still have a few incidents with L. who is five, so if I have to take out baby J, they can manage while I am out. Now that I have two that will be closer in age I wonder how we will survive it....it takes a lot of training and training two at the same time is going to be tough...I'll probably be asking you how you did it in a few years. Hang in there, it is just an intensive training period right now, is all I can say, it will get better.
ReplyDeleteps. Baby J is an escape artist and manages to make his way to his Daddy's lap about every other week or so. As soon as he is there, he sits quietly. ha ha ha
ReplyDeleteps 2. Thank you for writing this, it reminded me that even A. had to be trained, (I cried just thinking about wrestling two "baby" boys during sacrament) and made me remember you are doing something that I have never done. Good luck Kristi!
ReplyDeleteKristi - I seriously think that you need to find a buddy that you sit by each Sunday. Maybe it can be Michel, or maybe Heidi, or Shawna. These are people that your kids are familiar with, so if you need to take one of them out, you'll have someone to keep the other child busy. Plus none of them need to tend to children of their own.
ReplyDeleteMy strategy with the babies has always been food. If it works, DO IT!
I wish I could be more helpful, but with my 4 monkeys, I would just add to the chaos if I tried to sit by you. :( Though, if you sit in front of or behind me, I could always help distract your kids with "new" activities.
Jenny, Lindsay and Kara - thanks for your advice and kind words. I actually emailed Jill L. last night after I wrote this post and she is more than happy to sit with me. When Lance was called she sent the sweetest email to me offering to help me out. So, I finally humbled myself and took her up on the offer. ;-)
ReplyDeleteI do lots of food. Especially when we have church over lunch time. I also have a rule no snacks until after the sacrament. I am not quite ready to go to the no toys before the sacrament. I just don't think I can handle the tantrums. We will see. . .
I hear ya. Sacrament meeting wears me out. At least I am never bored. I am never tempted to fall asleep. =)
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