I am not sure what it is, but us mothers always want to know the details of each others' births. Maybe it can be compared to military veterans sharing their battle tales or returned missionaries sharing their mission stories. I think it is because all of these things become a part of who we are and say something about our character. Carsten's birth was an experience I will cherish forever. And for those who want to know the details, I won't disappoint. This is the "unabridged" version of his birth.
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Preface: We had decided about two months ago that I was going to do this birth naturally. Not that I am against epidurals - In fact, there was about 15 minutes during my labor this time where I was begging for one. However, I do believe birth is a natural process and that our bodies know what they should be doing. I heard recovery was so much easier after a natural birth (and as my recovery with Elisabeth was quite difficult, this was appealing.) But, most importantly something inside of me felt it was the right thing to do. We have had so many medical interventions getting pregnant, having a natural birth was my way of reclaiming something we lost at conception.
We signed up for a 6 week Hynobabies class and spent time everyday preparing for Carsten to arrive by practicing relaxation, meditation, and positive affirmations. You use a series of CDs that have tracks with relaxation music and a person speaking with a soothing voice along with scripts that Lance would read to me while I listened to music. I will post more details about this childbirth program later. I do have to say I know that it was because of the techniques I learned in this class I was able to have a natural birth.
Wed., Oct. 6th - Pre-labor. I had contractions on and off all day. Sometimes they were close - like 7 minutes and other times they were a vast 20 minutes apart. None of them were painful. Lance stayed home from work and we spent the day with Elisabeth making rice krispy treats, baking brownies, taking walks and going to the park. My contractions had slowed down so much that I encouraged Lance to attend a work dinner in Newport Beach that night.
I went to bed at 11 p.m., listening to one of my Hypnobabies CD's through the night. I woke up about once an hour to a sharp contraction and then would go back to sleep.
Thursday, Oct. 7th - 2:00 a.m. Woke up to really intense contractions that were close together. After about 30 minutes of trying to cope with them on my own, I decided I needed Lance to wake up to help me. We started timing them and they were 3 minutes apart and lasted 1 - 1 1/2 minutes long.
3:30 a.m. - I had wanted to labor at home as long as possible because I was most comfortable there. However, Lance started to feel that it was "time" for us to go to the hospital since the contractions were so close together. After making the necessary calls to our "middle of the night" sitter, our doula (my good friend Becky a.k.a. my surrogate mom) and the doctor, we were off to the hospital. (Dr. K's words to Lance when he called "You need to come to the hospital. NOW." ) I listened to a Hypnobabies track on the way to the hospital and I felt very relaxed and at peace.
4:15 a.m. - We checked into the hospital. We spent about 45 minutes in L&D triage where they had me change, go to the bathroom and then monitored my contractions and the baby's heart rate. I was already dilated to 7 cm. Whoohoo! I continued to listen to one of my Hypnobabies track the whole time and found it invaluable to helping me stayed relaxed. I don't remember feeling a lot of pain - just pressure.
5:00 a.m. - I was moved to our Labor and Delivery suite. No sooner did I arrive than I started to enter transition. Because the nurse wanted to monitor me closely, I had to stay close to the bed. This was NOT helpful as I couldn't get comfortable. My contractions were right on top of each other, without a break in between. My state of relaxation quickly dissolved as I couldn't find a comfortable position to labor in. (Not to mention the nurse kept pressing on my belly during every contraction. Once again, NOT helpful.)
The point of no return: I am embarrassed to admit that I completely lost it for about 15 minutes during my transition - I begged, cried, and pleaded with Lance to let me get the epidural. I kept saying "I know you are disappointed in me but I really need it." Both Lance and Becky kept trying to get me to relax and kept reminding me that since I was feeling I couldn't do it anymore, the baby was almost here. The nurse offered to check to see how far along I was and then let us decide what we wanted to do. She checked - and I was at 10 cm already. The point of no return. I started to sob, remembering Elisabeth's birth and how long I had to push with her. And the nurse sweetly told me "Kristi, you are just going to have to use your techniques you have learned to get through this." I prayed. Really hard. And then, knowing the only way was forward, I started to focus on using the Hypnobabies techniques again and could feel myself relaxing again.
Moving forward: The time table for the rest of the birth is hazy. My water finally broke a few minutes later and then my body just started to voluntarily push and my contractions slowed down. This was the neatest experience for me - when I had Elisabeth, I was told when and how to push and pushing lasted for about 1 1/2 hours. This time, I only focused on what Lance was saying to me as he read the Hypnobabies script, and I pushed the way my body told me to. And I continually prayed. Five or six contractions later, my little guy barreled into the world.
And then the pressure disappeared. And my perfect little boy was there, crying his little heart out. I had done it. And surprisingly, it felt wonderful - empowering. The doctors and nurses were impressed with his birth and they kept telling us so. I don't remember much of what they said. I just remember holding my wailing infant in my arms, free of pain, and feeling like he was a gift from heaven.
Epilogue: As I tried to fall asleep the day Carsten was born, I was just overwhelmed with his whole birth and couldn't stop replaying it in my head. I couldn't wait to write down my feelings. Elisabeth's birth was a miracle but it was not one I wanted to repeat anytime soon. It was long and exhausting. Carsten's was so different.
Was a natural birth painful? During transition I would have to honestly say YES. Oh, YES. Carsten came so quickly I didn't ever have time to adapt to the hospital environment or get into my deep relaxation "zone" I had practiced at home. Would I do it again? YES, YES, YES, YES, YES. I don't think I will ever have an epidural again.
I can't justify my feelings with words but the having Carsten naturally was one of the most amazing, spiritual experiences I have ever had in my life. Being at a brink where I felt like I couldn't do it anymore and then overcoming that, working with my body to birth a child, and then having the instant relief of pain being replaced by pure joy with the new infant. Priceless. Something about the experience is empowering and made me feel closer to our Savior. I couldn't have done it without Him. Nor could I have done it without Lance's calming demeanor, encouraging me along the whole time. Nor could I have done it without Becky's helpful hand, doing whatever she could to support us.
Life is good.
