Her good heart

On the ferris wheel with Papa.

I owe this girl another post.  Life with Elisabeth is never dull.  Here are just a few words to describe our four year old princess.

Excited.  For life.  For the food she eats.  For the activities we do.  For the small things - like getting apple juice at a restaurant or taking a ferris wheel ride at the mall or getting to have two stories before bed instead of one.  For the hand-me-down ponies she gets from our neighbor.  Everything in life is so exciting to her and when she isn't upset about something, she is generally a happy girl.  I have been very blessed with two genuinely happy children so far!  I thank Lance's genes for that.

Friend.  Elisabeth is our little social butterfly and thrives on going and doing things with people.  Everyone is a friend to her and she sincerely loves those around her.  I pray that she holds onto this unrestrained love of people always and is the quality I most treasure in this little girl.  This quality, along with her intense personality and stubbornness is probably inherited from me.   I do worry, though, as others aren't as good hearted as she is.  I have seen other preschoolers get annoyed with her and try to exclude her when they are playing.  Why are kids so mean???  At even four years old?  In our house, that type of behavior isn't tolerated.  Luckily, she doesn't always clue into their meanness but just desperately tries to play alongside of them.  I dread the day when she realizes what is happening and gets hurt.  I know it is part of life but I can't help but want to shield her from the meanness and just surround her with goodness.

Helpful.  She loves to cook with me.  In fact, she can pretty much make scrambled eggs and toast on her own with VERY close supervision.  Always holds her brother's hand when crossing the street.  Feeds the dog.  Does her chores willingly.  Adding baby #3 to our family does not worry me much because I know she will be there to help.

Elisabeth with her best friend Tutti & Mya

Imaginative.  Her preschool teacher said this was her best quality and I have to agree it is one of her amazing talents!  She can play by herself all day, creating intricate and detailed worlds for her  My Little Ponies, princesses, play food, and any toy she finds.  Occasionally she will let her brother join in but this is only temporary as he doesn't get past saying "Hi" and following her around.  Maybe when his verbal skills improve they will become good play buddies.  I wonder if she will be a writer someday?

The tantrums are fewer and farther between but just as intense as ever.   Listening is not her strongest trait. She is plagued with bad dreams every night and often ends up in our bed or asking us to say a prayer over her so she can go back to sleep.  The more love and praise you show her (instead of correction or frustration) the sweeter and more enjoyable she becomes.  She can swim like a fish now, is learning how to ride her big girl bike that she got as a reward for learning how to swim, and getting closer to reading every day. She performed in her first dance recital and loved it.  She may not have been the most graceful ballerina out there but she was the most animated!

We love our Eli-bear.

Healed

For years I had a hard time enjoying other peoples' babies.  I was happy for the new parents.  And I would hold the new babies.  But the pain of everything I had gone through to have babies of my own still lingered, never completely healed in my heart.  There was something in me that just wished that baby could be mine - especially when the baby came so easily to some. I would often leave the presence of the new baby saddened.

Today I visited a good friend in the hospital and held her baby not even a day old.  As I snuggled with that dark, sweet smelling newborn, my heart was overflowing with love.  I was so happy for my friend and wished I could sit there forever holding that baby.  I kept thinking to myself "The best days are days when babies are born."  On my drive home I realized that for the first time in as long as I could remember my heart did not hurt one bit.  I just felt pure happiness and love for both that baby and my friend.

I honestly feel like this miracle baby in my belly is blessing me more than with another child.  It has healed my heart.  After all of these years that healing is an absolute miracle in itself.

Real. Bad. Mood.

After talking on the phone to one of my best friend's the other night, she sent me the link to this video.  

Let's face it.  As funny as this is, it describes exactly how I have been feeling lately.   Tired, sick most of the time, zero patience and tolerance, outspoken, hormonal, emotional, depressed and mostly just in a Real.  Bad.  Mood.  You won't cross this sorry ol' dog if you know what's good for you. Hoping this is just a symptom of the first trimester and that it will magically disappear in the next few weeks since I am officially in my 2nd trimester and my family, friends, and dog all need to see cheerful Kristi again desperately.

And since I am being outspoken, let me just say this.  For the record - If a pregnant woman complains, however briefly or excessively,  about the trials of pregnancy, that doesn't mean she isn't grateful for the miracle inside of her or that she doesn't realize what an amazing blessing it is to be able to conceive and carry a baby.   Sometimes being pregnant is HARD and miserable.  I would happily be miserable for 9 months to have another child and know there are women who would be grateful to be throwing up all night long like I have been lately if it meant they could be pregnant.  I went through 6 years of heartbreak and infertility to have an inkling of what they feel.  But let's just face it.  Sometimes this just stinks.  And no matter how much you want to suck it up and grin and bear it and be sensitive to the others feelings, sometimes you just need other people to emphasize, sympathize and support you so you can get through the next day.   I would do the same for any of my friends who needed the this type of support.

Phew.  Glad that is off my chest.

Carsten the Lion

Pantless and shoeless at Sea World.  Definitely how this little guy rolls on a usual basis.

I have this desire to blog.  Daily, in fact.  But the constant exhaustion and on again/off again nausea make it so do I not only blog, but I rarely take pictures.  Elisabeth had her first dance recital and my dad came out to visit and all I have to show for it is a few pictures taken on my iPhone.

I can't believe how this little boy is no longer a baby.  Well, I let him run around in his diaper and kiss his chubby thighs enough so at times he feels like my baby still but I can't ignore the inevitable.  He is definitely a toddler.  Here are some fun things he does:

•  Tantrums?  Not his thing.  When he is angry or frustrated he growls like a lion.  Thus the nickname "Carsten the Lion" was born.
• He cleans up after himself.  Regardless if we ask him to or not.  He sings his version of the Clean Up song which is more like "Meem ma, Meem ma."
• Cars, bah (buses), Sofi the Beagle, the sand box and choochoos (trains) are his passion in life.  As is his milk and o ju (orange juice).  
• He no longer wants to sleep with anything in his crib.  Just his blanket.  
• He HATES poopy diapers and the big potty with the same vengence.  Hmm...How to solve this predicament is beyond me at the moment but since anything to do with feces, human or dog, makes me want to vomit these days, I am eager to find the answer.
• He can swim.  Thank you Miss Lynn and your lessons (albeit a little expensive.)  For a boy who refuses to stay in a floatie and or hold unto you in the pool, this is wonderful.
• Still hopelessly in love with this sweet boy.  How can you not be - wildness, picky eating and all?

We have been talking about if we want a boy or a girl next.  Beyond the usual "oh, we just want a healthy baby" part of me hopes for another girl.  Only because this little guy has been so special to me from the moment he was born.  His birth was beyond magical and I have been smitten ever since.  I kinda want him to be my special little boy . . . forever.  

I am sure he will be.  No matter who joins our family next. 

Still wishing we wouldn't have bought this sand box. . . as I get so tired of feeling like we live at the beach.
But he loves it so much, it is hard to deny him happiness.

Canine miracles

Sofi ran away tonight. About an hour later I heard scratching on our garage door. Which means she came back home. On her own. Of the 50+ times this dog has run away, she has never come back on her own.

Feel like the miracles just keep raining down on us.

When you are busy making other plans . . .

Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans.
                                                                - John Lennon

As you remember, on January 20th I was planning to be running in this:

Instead, on January 20th I am due to have this:

Definitely an absolute unplanned, unassisted, unexpected but thoroughly welcomed miracle.

Here's a little background. . .
 Back in January I felt a distinct impression it was time for us to have another baby.  Why?  Not sure.  I mean I can barely manage the two cute yet crazy ones I have.  I remember eating the best pulled BBQ pork sandwich in the world at a swap meet in Oahu with Lance, telling him I was going to call our infertility doctor that day and set up an appt. for when we got back from our little love vacay.  He agreed it was time.

But it never worked out.  I drug my feet to get the blood work done needed to start the process. We soon found the house we just purchased.  Just like the last six years we had to make a choice - Do we do infertility treatments?  Or do we buy a house?  A house won out.  Surprisingly, I was at peace about it.  Another baby would have to wait until 2013 or even 2014.  I had a house to decorate, a budget to keep, two little ones to raise, a little more weight to lose and a half marathon for which to train.   

When we were packing to move, I came across a pregnancy test.  It was about to expire and I did not want to pack it.  I didn't even suspect I was pregnant but I figured I wasn't going to throw away $15.   I took it on a whim.  Imagine my surprise when I saw two lines.  After texting a picture of it to my friend Amber in disbelief, she insisted I go buy another.  The three digital ones I purchased and took that same day all spelled out in bold letters the unbelievable answer:  PREGNANT.

Shock is an understatement.


Ten years of trying with losses and no success on our own.  And here we are - stressed from buying a house and not even planning or trying and I am expecting baby #3.
 
I know this is early in the game to be announcing anything.  Isn't there an unsaid rule you should wait until you are in your 2nd trimester to share with the world?   But I just can't keep it a secret.  I am so excited and feel so incredibly blessed to be carrying this miracle.  I am so tired of having to be cautious about everything when it comes to having babies - chosing carefully who I tell when I am doing fertility treatments and when I am newly pregnant because I am so worried I am going to lose my baby.  I want to be excited about this baby and believe that everything is going to be okay.  Because as far as I know, everything will be.

Besides, any prayers from those we love can't but help. 

Puppy love . . .

Well, not so much these days. I was cleaning out my cupboards last night in preparation for our move and threw away two bags of baking chocolate that were over a year old.

This dog woke me up four times last night, asking for more water and to be let out. FOUR times. Like a newborn.

This morning I found garbage all over my kitchen and dog vomit in four different rooms.

The only reason I haven't listed her on Craigslist today is because my babies love this lil' puker. And I love my babies more than anything.

I might miss her a bit. MIGHT. Oh, how blessed is a beagle with a loyal, guilt driven, and sensitive owner.

Now if she does this on our wooden floors at our house. . . Well, not looking forward to that moment.