Be your own kind of beautiful

Anyone out there have a constant battle with weight?  I know there are a few of you out there who can relate to me and what I am about to say.  I'm not talking about the tiny little pooch you might have left over after giving birth 6 months ago or the love handles that showed up at 30.  I'm talking about the need to vigilantly watch what you eat constantly or you will pack on 10 lbs in a few weeks.  Those of us who are addicted to food and eat our feelings.  Weight Watchers and I have had an on again and off again relationship for years.  I manage to maintain my weight well usually with a little fluctuation but after having baby #3, I found it hard to lose the weight.  Age, stress?  Who knows.

So imagine how the inner turmoil I am facing now - 25 lbs heavier than I have ever been and pregnant.  I know, I know.  Having a baby is a miracle.  I am grateful for that.  But having to go out and buy new maternity clothes because you can't fit into the ones you wore your last three pregnancies is depressing.  And knowing you are about put on at least another 25 lbs is even more disheartening.   I know how my body works and even if I give up sugar, eat super healthy and exercise 5 days a week, I still pack on the weight.

Add to the discouragement the fact that I have two thin sister-in-laws expecting along with a few friends.  You know the kind who only look pregnant from behind?  Or who lose all of their weight after about 5 months?  It's hard not to compare.

I can already hear the comments for others.
Are you having twins?
You must be having a girl because you are carrying the weight all over!
When are you due?  Soon? (when I'm 25 weeks)

I just decided today while at church that I just have to let it go.  It is what it is.  God made my body a certain way and it knows what to do so it can grow a child and then be able to feed that baby for at least a year afterwards.  This whole journey is quite miraculous - who would have ever guessed I would be having baby #4 and so far my body had done an amazing job at creating life!   Some people are going to make insensitive comments (because they always do) or compare me to other pregnant people  (because that happens naturally.)  But I can't care. What I look like on the outside does not matter.

The number on the scale does not change who I am inside.
It does not make me less beautiful.
It does not minimize the many talents I have.
It does not make me less of a mom, wife, or friend.
It does not have to take away from the true miracle and blessing this baby is in my life.

So pass me the muumuu.  I'm ready to do all in my power to be healthy in my life and just accept whatever size I am.   And enjoy an occasional Dairy Queen blizzard.

No make-up?  Not the most flattering pic of my arms?  No problem. Embracing the moment to take a pic on the first day of school.  

Sweet Surprise

Sweetheart #4 due to arrive Valentine's Day 2015.  Surprised?  So were we!!!

In fact, two weeks before I took the pregnancy test I told Lance that I thought we could be okay with only three kids.   I had just begun to feel like I am getting the hang of the craziness three kids six and under brings.  But, as always, I am reminded yet again that God has a plan that doesn't necessarily fit my own.

I have been more sick around this time and have spend most days barely functioning.  For the first time in my life I had to cancel giving a talk in church because I have been so sick.  I think the fog is beginning to lift, though, and that I am returning back to my normal self.

One thing is for sure - I can safely say our "infertility" is cured after having two "surprise" pregnancies in two years.  We feel very blessed indeed.

Now come the prayers for a healthy baby.  I really feel like I am getting too old for this!!!

When you are busy making other plans . . .

Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans.
                                                                - John Lennon

As you remember, on January 20th I was planning to be running in this:

Instead, on January 20th I am due to have this:

Definitely an absolute unplanned, unassisted, unexpected but thoroughly welcomed miracle.

Here's a little background. . .
 Back in January I felt a distinct impression it was time for us to have another baby.  Why?  Not sure.  I mean I can barely manage the two cute yet crazy ones I have.  I remember eating the best pulled BBQ pork sandwich in the world at a swap meet in Oahu with Lance, telling him I was going to call our infertility doctor that day and set up an appt. for when we got back from our little love vacay.  He agreed it was time.

But it never worked out.  I drug my feet to get the blood work done needed to start the process. We soon found the house we just purchased.  Just like the last six years we had to make a choice - Do we do infertility treatments?  Or do we buy a house?  A house won out.  Surprisingly, I was at peace about it.  Another baby would have to wait until 2013 or even 2014.  I had a house to decorate, a budget to keep, two little ones to raise, a little more weight to lose and a half marathon for which to train.   

When we were packing to move, I came across a pregnancy test.  It was about to expire and I did not want to pack it.  I didn't even suspect I was pregnant but I figured I wasn't going to throw away $15.   I took it on a whim.  Imagine my surprise when I saw two lines.  After texting a picture of it to my friend Amber in disbelief, she insisted I go buy another.  The three digital ones I purchased and took that same day all spelled out in bold letters the unbelievable answer:  PREGNANT.

Shock is an understatement.


Ten years of trying with losses and no success on our own.  And here we are - stressed from buying a house and not even planning or trying and I am expecting baby #3.
 
I know this is early in the game to be announcing anything.  Isn't there an unsaid rule you should wait until you are in your 2nd trimester to share with the world?   But I just can't keep it a secret.  I am so excited and feel so incredibly blessed to be carrying this miracle.  I am so tired of having to be cautious about everything when it comes to having babies - chosing carefully who I tell when I am doing fertility treatments and when I am newly pregnant because I am so worried I am going to lose my baby.  I want to be excited about this baby and believe that everything is going to be okay.  Because as far as I know, everything will be.

Besides, any prayers from those we love can't but help.