Wondrous

Remember when I said I was lacking Christmas Spirit? I found the remedy. (I know this blog has been kinda "churchy" lately. Well, I am a Mormon. It can't be helped. ;-))

I was in charge of teaching the Christmas lesson to the kids at church this year. I didn't do anything elaborate. We just discussed the Christmas Story.

I brought this picture:Painting by Liz Lemon Swindle She owns the rights to this. Not me.

Something about the beauty of this image, the simplicity and wonder of the birth of our Savior, my daughter playing the best star a nativity has ever seen, and teaching a room brimming with excitement and pure faith of innocent children eagerly anticipating Christmas hit me. I left church feel incredibly blessed and, dare I say it, happy. I am part of something more grand in life and my role, no matter how small, is needed.

My Christmas cards were sent this morning. I am planning to wrap presents tonight and we are going to bake tomorrow.

Yet another tender Christmas mercy this year thanks to the true meaning of Christmas.

Elisabeth as the Christmas star.

Side note: Lance claims the camera on the iPhone is just as good as our regular camera and almost as good as a DSLR. Ha ha ha ha ha. That is funny. Nice try, Lance. I am still keeping a DSLR camera on my wish list and I am sure that even though I am not trained in the professional art of persuasion, I will win this battle and that camera will be under the tree in a year or two.

Christmas Spirit

Putting up lights outside our house? Just exhausted even thinking about it. Wrapping my presents (my most favorite thing in the world to do during the holidays) A necessary evil this year. Baking the usual goodies? Not wanting to take the time for me to either A) Eat them and ruin all my hard work on losing weight B) Throw them away so I won't eat them or C) Give them away to others who will most likely throw them away. Sending out Christmas cards? Procrastinating it more than anything.

Buying gifts? Well, that is something that still thrills me. I love to give gifts immensely and no matter how I feel, there isn't anything that can't be smoothed over (even temporarily) by a little retail therapy.

We are in need of some serious Christmas Spirit here. Luckily, we got the tree up the day after Thanksgiving and the house mostly decorated, visited Santa twice already, and attended our ward Christmas party. For my little girl and baby boy, I am trying. I really am.

Elisabeth is going to be the star in the Senior Nursery's nativity this Sunday. She is thrilled beyond words and keeps talking about dressing up in her costume and being the star that led the shepherds to the baby Jesus. Now if that doesn't warm your heart, I don't know what will.

The good news is that Elisabeth doesn't realize she is missing the usual "traditions" and is so enchanted with the holidays. Simplicity is all we can do this year as we are learning to juggle new responsibilities and I try to get out of my fog I am in. Luckily, simplicity still holds wonder and awe for her.

A Christmas mercy, I suppose.

It's better to look up.

Last week I was one worship service at my church away from . . . Well, I don't know what. But it wasn't good whatever it was. The two words that were constantly going through my head were "I quit." I quit serving in my calling at church, I quit going to church and sitting alone with my kids, I quit being a wife and a mother whose husband is gone as much as mine. Now - I don't really want to quit any of these things. But, I am smart enough to know something had to change because I couldn't keep doing what I was doing.

A friend came over, prompted or not I do not know, and talked about this talk that was given during General Conference, an bi-annual meeting our church has. The basic message: It is better to look up.

So I did. I got on my knees and prayed. I needed help and it was time to ask. And ask I did. I asked my husband for advice on what to do. I asked a friend from book club to take Carsten during Sunday school so I could teach without having to chase him around. I asked two women with either grown kids or teenagers to see if my family could join them in their pew on Sundays.

This Sunday we sat with a family of two of the kindest adults I have ever known and four of the most helpful teenage boys I have ever met.

My kids were entertained the full hour and a half without one person crying or having to be taken out. I actually was able to listen to the speakers. I was able to teach the kids during Primary (Sunday school for the kiddos) without any anxiety. And I didn't cry.

Well, I didn't cry until I called my friend to thank her for letting me sit with her family. Those were tears of immense gratitude.

I know there are people out there with bigger problems than mine. People are homeless. People are starving. People are losing loved ones. People are sick and dying. I realize someone may read this and say "Really woman? You are wasting my time whining about this?"

Today these things didn't matter, though. My problems are real to me. And, I have a Father in Heaven who heard my pleas, guided me to answers, and reminded me once more that I am His daughter and He loves me. All I had to do was ask.

Things are starting to look up.

Open Letter: Dear Costco

Dear Costco:
May I make a suggestion? When someone orders a toy from you to be shipped between Thanksgiving and Christmas can you please ship it in a brown, plain box? Especially if you are going to deliver it after naptime and the cover of the box shows a picture of what is inside?

I would like to avoid having to concoct a story why the castle my daughter has requested from Santa showed up on our doorstep a month before Christmas eve. Luckily she believed it was delivered to the wrong house. Also, lucky for me our Jewish neighbor does have a little girl AND they celebrate Hanukkah so my story was plausible.

My sincere thanks,
Kristi

Xanax, anyone?

Who would have ever guessed sitting alone with my kids at church would create so much anxiety. I guess when one has a 3 1/2 year old who is a spitfire and a 13 month old who has just realized he has not only places to go but a voice he wants to exercise quite loudly, sitting for an hour and 1/2 by myself, trying to keep these kids semi-quiet is nerve wracking to say the least.

I half jokingly and half seriously say to Lance every Sunday "Got any Xanax?" - like I would ask for a piece of gum. When people ask how my day was Sunday night my reply has been "Well, we survived."

For my LDS friends out there who have had their significant others sit on the stand during sacrament meeting (our worship service), how did you survive? How did you keep going every Sunday to that hour and a half knowing you would leave either in tears or ready to have a nervous breakdown?

What kills me is I am a strong woman. I have done many hard and amazing things in life (with the help of the Lord, of course.). I joined my church without support from my family. Went to a college in another state not knowing a single soul. Worked to pay for a 18 month mission for my church. Lived in Finland for 18 months and spoke one of the hardest languages there is. Went through six years of infertility treatments and losses. Managed to graduate from grad school while doing three infertility treatments, having one baby, miscarrying another and being pregnant with my second without any family around to help.

So tell me why something as simple as taking care of my kids every week in sacrament meeting is about to be the end of me?

*Sigh.* At least I know I can some day add this to my list of "amazing and hard things" I did in life.

Location, location, location

We have finally decided that it is time for us to buy a house. Can we hear a WHOO HOO?!? I can't even begin to express my excitement. This mama needs to plant some serious roots. Come on now - I am 32 years old. About time to establish ourselves, right?

I spend at least an hour on www.zillow.com and www.redfin.com each day scoping out our possibilities. We probably won't take the plunge until this spring but that doesn't stop me from seeing what is available and getting a good idea of prices. And location.

Which brings me to the next question. Where should we buy? As a geographer, I know location is everything.

I have my heart set on the community we live in now. I refuse to move further away from where my husband works. I will happily have a smaller house that is a little more expensive if that means we see him more.

I want to live in a community with amenities and without Mello-roos. I want to be within walking distance to a pool and a park. I want to live in a good school district.

I want to stay in our ward. I have grown to love our ward and though I know other wards will be just as nice, I feel like this is where we belong. Unfortunately, that limits our options. Basically, it leaves us with one large gated community or half of the neighborhood we live in now. There are a few other neighborhoods but I already know they aren't what we are looking for.

So, do we just look at any available real estate in our city? Or do I stick to the ward boundaries? Do we even consider moving further away to get a bigger house? I just keep hearing my BYU geography professor's voice resounding in my head "Location, location, location."

Seriously thrilled to embark upon this new adventure! Right now, the only real location I care about is one that is completely and utterly ours. . . Well, ours and the bank that will provide us a mortgage.

Audible

How can you not LOVE this kid???? Geez. I keep thinking maybe we should stop with him because I am not sure how any child after him could be as sweet or cute or funny or as lovable as this love bug.

Just over the past month this boy has been learning to speak. Below are the following words he says daily:

• Book
• Ball
• Done done
• Mama
• Beh (for Beth or Elisabeth.)
• Dada
• Nana (for banana)
  
• Mo (for more)
• Meh (for milk)
  

He doesn't always pronounce the end of the words but there is no mistaking what he is saying.

He is not walking yet but can crawl faster than any baby I have ever seen. I am secretly happy. I want him to be my baby as long as possible. Church is getting increasingly hard and I spend most of sacrament meeting chasing after him down the aisles or out in the foyer. During sacrament meeting I am almost in tears but on Monday, I can retrospectively laugh.

Life has been really tough lately with my hubby's work/church schedule. I often find myself stressed out and overwhelmed as I do things solo. Which is why taking time to write posts like this help me realize that I want to cherish and enjoy every minute of my babies before they are grown and out of my house. You can never get that time back.