Evolution of pregnancy

1st child - Food Cravings:
Me:  I would really love a blizzard from Dairy Queen.
Lance:  Ok.  It is about a 15 minute drive both ways and it may melt, and they close in 10 minutes but I will speed there for you.

2nd child - Food Cravings: 
Me:  I would really love a blizzard from Diary Queen.
Lance:  Honey, that is so far away.  How about a concrete from Foster's Freeze?  They are only three minutes away and are open late.

3rd child - Food Cravings:
Me:  I would really love a blizzard from Dairy Queen.
Lance:  Here are the keys.  Drive safely!

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1st child - Maternity clothes
Went shopping before I was even showing to buy clothes and put them on as soon as I couldn't button my pants.

2nd child - Maternity clothes
Borrowed all my maternity clothes from a friend.

3rd child - Maternity clothes
Starting 3rd trimester and still trying to fit into my regular clothes so I don't have to wear maternity clothes or go buy any.  Starting to look ridiculous though.


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1st child - Diaper bags
Carried around a heavy diaper bag with everything imaginable - wipes, diapers, change of clothes, toys, blankets, baby tylenol, until the baby was 2 years old.

2nd child -  Diaper bags
Carried around a diaper bag for the first few months and then just made sure we always had diapers and wipes in the car.

3rd child -  Diaper bags
Considering just buying a big purse.  Who needs one more thing beside the baby and a massive toddler to carry?

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Amazing how the number of children changes you as a mother.  Expectations are lower, more realistic and much more laid back.  Or maybe we are just exhausted already from the previous kids.  I am wondering if this makes subsequent babies more mellow out of necessity?

This time around

25 weeks.  About 1 1/2 weeks away from being in the 3rd trimester.  Part of me feels like I can't believe we are 1/3 of the way done. But the other part of me still can't believe I am only 25 weeks.  Feels like I should be further along.

Here are some things I have discovered this time around:

1.  It is possible to be sicker in later pregnancies.  Or maybe I am just sick with girls.  I don't remember throwing up more than once with Carsten.  Maybe five times with Elisabeth.  This time?  Almost daily until 17-18 weeks.

2.  It is possible to continue exercising when you are pregnant.   I have been running, albeit slower, not as far and stopping at least once to go to the bathroom on my routes, since I found out I was pregnant.  Along with attending spin class, a body pump class and Zumba at the gym occasionally.  My running days are pretty much over as it is getting more and more uncomfortable but I have to admit it felt great while it lasted.  I have more energy then I ever remember with any pregnancy (after the first trimester yuck-fest of course).  It isn't really changing my weight gain or body shape (see #3) but I am glad I am doing it.  Hope to keep being active in some way or another until this baby arrives.  I told y'all I was addicted to exercising.  That and candy.  Probably the other explanation for #3 below.

3.  Despite how much I exercise, my body still puts on maternal chub - everywhere.  I really want someone to explain why love handles and huge thighs are necessary for pregnancy and breastfeeding.  The belly and breasts I understand.  Along with the swollen ankles, fingers and face.    Those cute ladies that are all belly and skinny as ever?  Never gonna be me.  No matter how healthy I eat or how many miles I run.  I am round, curvy and anyone who sees me from behind will know I am with child.  The vain part of me is tempted to buy some of these so I can wear the cute, fashionable maternity clothes.  Alas, I am embracing tent-like shirts and flowy skirts and the attitude of gratitude and acceptance.  It is what it is and I would wear a muumuu for 9 months and then at least a year afterwards if I meant I had another little baby to hold.  I am 100% grateful I didn't kill myself to lose my last 10 lbs of weight before this pregnancy because I would have already gained it all back and then some.

Our little girl (did I forget to post we are having a girl?  It only took four ultrasounds to confirm but we are definitely expecting another girl) kicks are getting stronger and stronger.  I continually marvel at the whole process and miracle of it all.

Changed my mind

Remember when I said I needed a project? After watching my friend's 6 month old today for 3 hours I've changed my mind. January is going to bring with it a HUGE project that is going to rock my world. I think I will enjoy not being really busy for the next three months.

Need another "project"

I think those who know me knew this was coming. I love being at home with my kids. I love not having to work. I love the freedom it provides and that my laundry is getting done and my kids are spending quality time with me.

But honestly, it isn't enough. Doesn't saying that make me feel like a horrible LDS mom?? Yes, yes it does. But that is who I am.

Reality is I need something else in which I can use my talents. Another project if you will. Up until now I have always had jobs at church that have kept me insanely busy and happy serving, teaching, organizing, teaching, and "taking care" of others. The last few months my job has changed and I teach adult Sunday School every other week. No longer as involved as I have been over the last 10 years. And am really trying to embrace the change. . . Though not even close to being successful.

So no work, no alumni board, no involved calling, no non profit leadership position. . . Definitely floundering here. Kids are too little to have a PTO to jump into. I am at a loss.

Her good heart

On the ferris wheel with Papa.

I owe this girl another post.  Life with Elisabeth is never dull.  Here are just a few words to describe our four year old princess.

Excited.  For life.  For the food she eats.  For the activities we do.  For the small things - like getting apple juice at a restaurant or taking a ferris wheel ride at the mall or getting to have two stories before bed instead of one.  For the hand-me-down ponies she gets from our neighbor.  Everything in life is so exciting to her and when she isn't upset about something, she is generally a happy girl.  I have been very blessed with two genuinely happy children so far!  I thank Lance's genes for that.

Friend.  Elisabeth is our little social butterfly and thrives on going and doing things with people.  Everyone is a friend to her and she sincerely loves those around her.  I pray that she holds onto this unrestrained love of people always and is the quality I most treasure in this little girl.  This quality, along with her intense personality and stubbornness is probably inherited from me.   I do worry, though, as others aren't as good hearted as she is.  I have seen other preschoolers get annoyed with her and try to exclude her when they are playing.  Why are kids so mean???  At even four years old?  In our house, that type of behavior isn't tolerated.  Luckily, she doesn't always clue into their meanness but just desperately tries to play alongside of them.  I dread the day when she realizes what is happening and gets hurt.  I know it is part of life but I can't help but want to shield her from the meanness and just surround her with goodness.

Helpful.  She loves to cook with me.  In fact, she can pretty much make scrambled eggs and toast on her own with VERY close supervision.  Always holds her brother's hand when crossing the street.  Feeds the dog.  Does her chores willingly.  Adding baby #3 to our family does not worry me much because I know she will be there to help.

Elisabeth with her best friend Tutti & Mya

Imaginative.  Her preschool teacher said this was her best quality and I have to agree it is one of her amazing talents!  She can play by herself all day, creating intricate and detailed worlds for her  My Little Ponies, princesses, play food, and any toy she finds.  Occasionally she will let her brother join in but this is only temporary as he doesn't get past saying "Hi" and following her around.  Maybe when his verbal skills improve they will become good play buddies.  I wonder if she will be a writer someday?

The tantrums are fewer and farther between but just as intense as ever.   Listening is not her strongest trait. She is plagued with bad dreams every night and often ends up in our bed or asking us to say a prayer over her so she can go back to sleep.  The more love and praise you show her (instead of correction or frustration) the sweeter and more enjoyable she becomes.  She can swim like a fish now, is learning how to ride her big girl bike that she got as a reward for learning how to swim, and getting closer to reading every day. She performed in her first dance recital and loved it.  She may not have been the most graceful ballerina out there but she was the most animated!

We love our Eli-bear.

Healed

For years I had a hard time enjoying other peoples' babies.  I was happy for the new parents.  And I would hold the new babies.  But the pain of everything I had gone through to have babies of my own still lingered, never completely healed in my heart.  There was something in me that just wished that baby could be mine - especially when the baby came so easily to some. I would often leave the presence of the new baby saddened.

Today I visited a good friend in the hospital and held her baby not even a day old.  As I snuggled with that dark, sweet smelling newborn, my heart was overflowing with love.  I was so happy for my friend and wished I could sit there forever holding that baby.  I kept thinking to myself "The best days are days when babies are born."  On my drive home I realized that for the first time in as long as I could remember my heart did not hurt one bit.  I just felt pure happiness and love for both that baby and my friend.

I honestly feel like this miracle baby in my belly is blessing me more than with another child.  It has healed my heart.  After all of these years that healing is an absolute miracle in itself.

Real. Bad. Mood.

After talking on the phone to one of my best friend's the other night, she sent me the link to this video.  

Let's face it.  As funny as this is, it describes exactly how I have been feeling lately.   Tired, sick most of the time, zero patience and tolerance, outspoken, hormonal, emotional, depressed and mostly just in a Real.  Bad.  Mood.  You won't cross this sorry ol' dog if you know what's good for you. Hoping this is just a symptom of the first trimester and that it will magically disappear in the next few weeks since I am officially in my 2nd trimester and my family, friends, and dog all need to see cheerful Kristi again desperately.

And since I am being outspoken, let me just say this.  For the record - If a pregnant woman complains, however briefly or excessively,  about the trials of pregnancy, that doesn't mean she isn't grateful for the miracle inside of her or that she doesn't realize what an amazing blessing it is to be able to conceive and carry a baby.   Sometimes being pregnant is HARD and miserable.  I would happily be miserable for 9 months to have another child and know there are women who would be grateful to be throwing up all night long like I have been lately if it meant they could be pregnant.  I went through 6 years of heartbreak and infertility to have an inkling of what they feel.  But let's just face it.  Sometimes this just stinks.  And no matter how much you want to suck it up and grin and bear it and be sensitive to the others feelings, sometimes you just need other people to emphasize, sympathize and support you so you can get through the next day.   I would do the same for any of my friends who needed the this type of support.

Phew.  Glad that is off my chest.