Cherish

Today was a normal, busy day filled with school pick ups, making meals, dishes, laundry, naptime, homework, piano practice, working on my Sunday School lesson and the always draining bedtime routines.  As I sat down to unwind tonight, I was overcome with a feeling of contentment and joy.  I think I've finally found my groove as a mom of three little ones.   I find comfort in our daily routine and joy in my babies despite the many challenges and my inadequacies. 

 I've experienced  a few storms in life and have seen them all around me in others lives. Mortality feels more and more real to me with every year. Which is maybe why these calming moments are ones that I cherish.  

Besides- how could you not be blissfully happy spending every day with this little cutie pie?  She radiates joy.  

Belonging

I am THIRTY FIVE this year.  3.5.  Should it feel monumental?   The best thing about 35?  I have three beautiful children and the best hair I have ever had in my life.

Birthday celebration at Benihana.  Love sharing a birthday month with my baby girl!

Reflecting upon my life and where I am now, I struggle with the concept of belonging.  There are two things I know for sure:

1.  I belong to the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.  The Gospel is true and membership in this church has brought me peace, joy and comfort.  I may have confusion in my life but my beliefs always ring true and provide me a foundation I can trust.  

2.  I belong at home with my children.  I know this without a doubt.  They need me home and I need to be home with them.

The struggle lies in #2.  I am not exceptionally good at being a mom or a homemaker. My mother-in-law is appalled at my laundering skills (As she should be.  It's never done.  EVER.)  No matter how hard I try the clutter is always there and there is always something that needs to be cleaned.  I LOVE going out to eat and am not a huge fan of cooking.   I am amazing at organizing things but can't seem to keep anything in my house organized.  I want to spend time quality time with my children but life just gets in the way. (If I had a dime for every time I heard "You NEVER play with us mom!")  And let's not even address the loss of temper and yelling.  I see so many articles floating around on Facebook about parenting - face your kids backwards in their carseat until they are four, you should wear your kids until they are preschoolers, stay away from GMOs, never yell at them, validate their feelings, don't put them in timeouts alone - that I have just stopped reading them because I don't need another thing to feel guilty or overwhelmed about.  Ignorance is bliss.  Bottom line - I know I belong at home but am struggling to find peace with not excelling and doing well at my current profession.  I am used to doing well and excelling at anything I put my mind to in life.  

I am an exceptional instructional designer, project manager and educator.  But I don't belong at work anymore.

I am a great leader and have really enjoyed being a leader of a non-profit organization.  But I can't stay on top of my home life much less add another thing.

So I struggle at 35 to find peace in the roles I know are meant for me.  I struggle to scrap the high expectations I have always had of myself and accept a realistic standard.  Overachieving moms out there - How do you that?   

Maybe it lies in celebrating my strengths in my home life and having a sense of humor about the rest.

1.  I am good at celebrating holidays and making traditions for my kids.  Some bloggers have written verbose blog posts AGAINST how I celebrate holidays but who cares.  It brings me and my kids happiness.  So there.  Santa is real.  The tooth fairy brings sparkly dollars.  The leprechauns come and wreck havoc on my home.  And I do it so very well.

2.  I am an AWESOME baker.  Ask my Sunday School class.

3.  I am good at remembering others and doing small acts of kindness for them.  My kids are the same and it makes me proud.

4.  I take my kids to the library and read to them each individually every day.  

5.  I love my children unconditionally and they know that it is ok to make mistakes.  We practice loving and forgiving each other and applying the atonement in our lives.  Daily.

6.  We read the scriptures and pray together as a family every day.  Followed by family hug and family kiss.

Hug hug. Kiss kiss.

I have been trying to cherish the good moments that occur in the long hours, days, and weeks of raising three young children - two of which are extremely strong willed.  I know that all too soon they will be grown, their tantrums forgotten, and these small moments treasured.  

Moments like how this one always wants to wear his PJ tops all day long.

Or how he always needs a hug and a kiss before I leave - Even if I am just going to get the mail.

I left tonight to go see a movie with a friend.  I was in a rush to hand off my kids so I didn't remember to give Carsten a proper send off.  As the garage door was closing, my baby boy burst through the door with tears welling in his eyes and a frantic voice pleading "Mommy!  Mommy!  Gimme a kiss and a hug."

He ran back inside with a spring in his step after the requested signs if affection.

I thank

 God for these beautiful moments.

Nine for Nine

This little darling turned nine months the end of October.  Her life has been a blur to me - I love every moment with her but am horrible at documenting it.  

1.  Our super baby.   She is super easy going, super happy and super, super busy.  Not a moment do I set her down then she is off exploring.

2.  Our foodie baby.  True to Smemoe genes, she loves food.  Her little feet kick excitedly as soon as we drop peas on her tray, spoon baby food into her mouth, and give her apple slices to chew on.  So far we have only discovered one thing she doesn't like - grown up oatmeal.  That and antibiotics that she has to take for a horrific ear infection she got this past week.

3.  Our book worm.  Also true to Smemoe fashion, she loves when we read her books.  The touch and feel ones are her favorite.

4.  Our one with few words.  She just learned how to say "mama" and "papa" and babbles with dadadada quite a bit.  She refuses to do baby signs.  Even though it has been at least two months that we have had her do the signs for "more,"  "all done," and "milk."  She just laughs at us as we do them for her.

5.  Our early riser.  She still wakes up for a feeding at 5:00 am every day.  I know I should sleep train her so that she sleeps all night but honestly . . . I don't want to.  I love the snuggle time we have in the wee hours of the morning.

6.  Our tiniest baby.  She is in the 85th percentile for height and only the 50th percentile for weight.  Compared to the 98th percentiles our other kids were in for weight, she is a teeny thing to us.

7.  Our tough baby.  Her brother is rough.  50% of the time when he isn't "gentle-ing" her.  And she puts up with it like a champ.  You can't help but love her even more when she still grins from ear to ear when he comes into the room.  Like she instantly forgives him and can't wait to see him.  She knows it's a phase.

At the Zoomars petting zoo with her brother.  Right before he pushed her off the bench.
Oh the love hate relationship here.

8.  Her mama's twin. Well - almost.  Glad to say that I have one that looks a lot like me.

9.  Our sweet blue-eyed dolly.  Her wide, bright blue eyes are striking and people comment on them where ever we go.

My cup runneth over.  So grateful this blessing and miracle baby came into our home and stole our hearts.

Back to blogging: First day of school

So I took a four month hiatus from the blogosphere.  How embarrassing. This is supposed to be a record of my life and my poor daughter Laura Jane has about four posts about her.  My reason?  My life with three kids.  a.k.a. "The Game Changer" (which is a blog post in itself.)  Suffice it to say I am spending all my energies on raising three little kids and keeping up a home.  I can honestly say working part-time with two children was much easier than not working with three children.  Another post to elaborate on that one later.

So it has arrived.  The milestone of sending my dear babes into the public school system.  I have grown to adore this little love bug and her wisdom, wit, helpfulness and love of life.  Sending her off to be taught by a stranger has been something I have dreaded all summer. 

As I shed a few tears the night before her first day of school she said the following:

"Don't be sad.  I need to go to kindergarten to learn and make friends.  I'll come home for dinner.  You'll be okay Mom." 

How could I not smile when I heard that?  So I sent her off today to early bird kindergarten to one of the best K teachers in the history of our school with a hug, a kiss and a wave.  She beamed at her teacher, excited for her day.  She was ready for this day.  

And I was ready to set her free without shedding a tear.  Especially since she was home back with me well before dinner.

School is a beautiful place to this girl.  So happy to learn.

A doll. . .

and her stuffed animals.  Three months has gone by so quickly.  I am in love with this baby who only wakes once a night, goes to sleep on her own, smiles with her whole face, loves to be held and is my first baby to show major signs of stranger anxiety because she truly is a Mama's girl.

My Nirvana

In the past two weeks my life has gotten busier than normal due to the following things:

• I was giving a new calling at church - teaching Sunday School the 14-15 year old kids every week.
• I am in charge of our ward (congregation) Visiting Teaching Conference on Mother's Day which includes a luncheon for all the women, a lesson on ministering as the Savior did and a musical number.  I get to teach the lesson.
• I was also asked to help teach at a youth event where all the 16-18 year olds at church who want to go on a mission come for a mini "missionary training experience."

One thing you will learn about me (if you didn't know already) is that nothing, save being at home with my family, gives me greater joy than serving in my church.  Especially if it involves teaching.

A close friend told me that church service is my nirvana.  

Nirvana is defined as "an ideal condition of rest, harmony, stability, or joy."

I have to admit that though this weekend is going to be CRAZY, I feel happier than I have for many weeks.  Nothing brings me greater joy than serving others and trying to emulate the Savior.  Probably because when I do, I feel the Spirit and have peace in my life. I have had family members and friends who tell me I do too much with three little ones at home and that I need to not volunteer at church.  I agree with them that I do need to put my family first.  HOWEVER, I need my nirvana (regardless if it adds one more thing to my plate) to balance life out.

Now if I was going to get rid of something this week it would be the laundry.  Boy, do I hate doing laundry.